Ted Nugent: Rock's Village Idiot
"I'll tell you this right now: If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year."
- Ted Nugent
But seriously, folks....
I don't go to rock concerts very much anymore. To be honest with you, as I get a bit older I've become less "crowd friendly" than I once was. But back in the day I was quite the concert-goer indeed. One night a group of friends literally had to drag me down to New York City to attend a concert that was being performed by a newcomer named Ted Nugent. As I recall, the event took place at Madison Square Garden. It was 1977 and I was eighteen. At the time, Nugent's new album, "Cat Scratch Fever" was all the rage among teenaged guys. I was in the minority. I had heard the LP enough times on my friend Paul Scesa's 8-Track machine to render a verdict on the man's worth as a singer, musician and composer. I was not very impressed with what I heard to put it mildly. In the parlance of the day, I thought the guy sucked. I still do.
Less than half way through Nugent's performance that night, I told my gang that I would meet them back at the car when the show was over. I spent the rest of the evening at a bar on West 32nd Street, gulping down gin-and-tonics, my beverage-of-choice at the time. The drinking age was eighteen back then. It was the only time in my life I ever walked out of a rock concert. Honestly, the guy was that bad.
You might call Ted Nugent "the one-hit wonder that just won't go away". Countless times in the past, just when I think old Teddy boy has been hurled back into permanent obscurity where he rightfully belongs, he somehow manages to resurrect himself - always by saying something incredibly stupid. True to form, he's done it again:
"If the coyote's in your living room, pissing on your couch, it's not the coyote's fault. It's your fault for not shooting him."
The "coyote" in this case is President Barack Obama.
Our government has wasted too many taxpayer dollars down through the years "investigating" people in show business. John Lennon and Charlie Chaplin have enough paper in their respective FBI files to fill your average Encyclopedia Britannica. Incredibly these two men were seen somehow as a "threat" to the peace and security of the free world. Can you believe that? But I've gotta tell you that I was happy to learn that the Secret Service is launching an inquiry into Nugent and the statements he made. What makes matters worse is the fact that he spoke these words at a gathering of the NRA!
This is serious stuff, kids. It has nothing to do with "freedom of speech". Inciting any of the dim-witted masses to assassinate the president of the United States is beyond foolhardy and reactionary. It's criminal. I'm sure in his mind he was only making an innocent "analogy". But I think it's fair to conclude that he's not smart enough to realize that most of the people he was addressing aren't smart enough to know the difference between metaphor and reality. I'll be blunt. Some of those NRA types aren't exactly Rhodes Scholars if you know what I mean.
If you've read this blog with even a molecule of regularity during the last six years, you know that I was not (to put it as mildly as is possible) a huge fan of George W. Bush. But I never - publicly or privately - wished the despicable little thug any physical harm. In fact I used to pray out loud that he'd be kept safe from an assassin's bullet. Shit! The last thing we need is the body of a right wing martyr for the extremists to rally around. Can you just imagine how the Tea party imbeciles would react to something that weird??? If you think they're nuts now....
Some more jolly thoughts from the wit and wisdom of Ted Nugent:
"If you can't go home and get everybody in your lives to clean house in this vile, evil, America-hating administration, I don't even know what you're made out of....We need to ride into that battlefield and chop their heads off in November."
Is this guy available for children's parties?
If I'm writing about a person who has made the news, I usually spend about three to four hours researching them beforehand. I really can't be bothered with Ted. I know everything about him I need to know and I want to know nothing more. Quite obviously the man is a no-talented fool and a has-been. He hasn't charted anything in decades. The only way he can give his royalties a little boost every now and then is by coming out in public with a full-tilt freakout against commies, hippies, pinkos and lefties. It really is kinda sad when you think about it.
Cat Scratch Fever is the only recording of his that most people remember. Ask me to name another tune or album he did in the thirty-five years since and I won't be able to tell you. And bear in mind that for many years rock 'n' roll was a passion of mine. For decades I followed the music industry very closely. I was even a radio disk jockey for a time. I know a thing or two about music, folks, and where Ted Nugent is concerned I'm am as indifferent as it's possible to be. He's not even half-a-blip on my radar.
It is the height of irresponsibility to be making firearm analogies against any president - particularly one who has had more threats made against his life than any American politician since Abraham Lincoln. I hate to bring up this sensitive point here, but we all know how Old Abe's biography ended. It's a lesson in futility to assume that Ted "should have known better". It's obvious enough that the poor, silly bastard doesn't have the sense to come in out of the rain. What is troubling are the number of Americans who take Ted Nugent - and people like him - seriously as national spokespersons. That's the most disturbing thing.
Until the day that the mass-enlightenment occurs (don't hold your breath) I'm afraid we're stuck with jackasses like Ted who love nothing more than to steal the national limelight by inciting hate and hysteria. That's what they do best and I have to admit they do it quite well. Someday they will grow old and die, only to be replaced by another generation of hate mongers. They seem to perpetuate themselves. They may enjoy success and treasure during their time on this earth, but posterity is never kind to them. They always end up on history's trash heap.
I really worry about the safety of President Obama. The recent prostitution scandal involving the Secret Service in Columbia has got me thinking that some of these guys might not be on their toes as much as they should be (Are there any women in the Secret Service?) I'm old enough to remember November 22, 1963. I don't believe America ever totally recovered from the trauma of that day. It must not happen again. A repeat of history will completely crack this nation in two. This is a touchy subject so I'll just say this: If anything ever happens to our president, more-than-a-few people will be forced to stand up and account for their words. Ted Nugent is one of those people.
That is what is known as "speaking the unspeakable".
Glenn Miller's Moonlight Serenade (1939):
I stand at your gate and the song that I sing is of moonlight
I stand and I wait for the touch of your hand in the moonlight
The roses are sighing a moonlight serenade....
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Totally off-topic. I agree. It's just that I didn't want to leave you on such a down note. With all the improvements in recording technology in the seventy-three years since little gem was consigned to wax, it just doesn't get any better than this.
The next full moon will be on May the sixth. On that night, at the point where the moon is highest in the sky, turn off the lights, take your beloved by the hand, and dance under that asteroid's gentle glow to Mr. Miller's masterpiece of nocturnal romance.
You didn't know I was such a hopeless romantic, did you.
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"The Rant" by Tom Degan
Enjoy!....and get pissed!